Hi there lovely people.
Hang on to your hollyhocks because this entry is going to be a rough ride, strait from my life with very little omitted. The only bits I have not included are names of people for privacy and to stop people trying to sue me!
Arround two weeks ago one of my daughters gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. I know grandparents are biased when it comes to their own offspring but she truly is beautiful. I sometimes describe newborn babies – yes even my own offspring through the few generations I have experienced as a bit like little pink maggots that are lovely because they are babies and not maggots so I'm being as unbiased as a biased grandfather can be when I say she is beauriful. Go onto my 'normal' facebook to see her and agree. If you don't agree beware because if I find out you DON'T think so and I find out then the bunny gets it!
Anyway, back to the rocky road. Truth time. Around seven or so years ago I had trulythought my life had come to the end of what I considered useful and decided to finish it. I found out later that I was going through clinical depression. Having never tried before I made a total horlicks of it. I bought a bottle of port – how stupid because I hate port in quantity. Then I proceeded to go out to the garage every ten or so minutes to force down more of the sickly sweet stuff. Another error. Every time I went out and had more I came back worse for wear until I got to the point where I was so lubricated that I let slip to Victoria what I was doing!
I realised my error and dashed into the bedroom to my bedside cupboard (two weeks supply of pills) there and started gulping down as many pills as I could in as shorter time as possible. Whilst I was doing this to my limited supply from the bed side cupboard, Victoria was busy removing the vast majority of the medication stored in the bathroom.
Long story short, Victoria called my neighbour who was here within 15 seconds trying to keep me awake. I ended up in hospital for an overnight stay with doctors trying to bring my blood pressure back up from the lowest survivable rate, which obviously they did. End of.
It was around the time of Sophia's birth that my mood started to plummet. I became 'picky', argumentative and so wrapped up in my own misery that I was almost unbearable to live with. We are bickering, arguing and I spent time snarling at her, her being the person who has spent the last 31 years as my wife and the last 21 years encouraging and helping me. Then I thought it........................
I thought I'd be better off dead. OH NO NOT AGAIN! What a wake up call to me. I sat and thought, sat and prayed, sat and cried. After a suitable time of mourning my misery I decided it was time to give myself a hard kick up the b*m.
I did and spent the next two days searching myself, my attitude, my mood. Why was I going downwards? Why had it happened and what could I do about it?
I then started thinking about what I have, and I'm not talking about money or man toys etc. I started thinking about Victoria my faithful friend, companion, love and lover. I then thought about my children and also my 14 grandchildren [we are a Lego family]. Then i thought about my friends, other family my 85yr old mum and 86 year old step dad. The list went on and on to a point that I realised how much I would be leaving behind. T
Then I thought about me not being here because of my own actions. It would hurt so many people, although I'm sure it would cheer up those who are forced to listen to my bad jokes:-) It would have been a selfish one sided way to behave plus there is NO turning back once one had gone. No laughter, no love, no family, no friends. Everything that was would not be.
So here I am not gone living my life as best(ish) as I can and thank my God I caught myself in time this time round. Wow now this is an honest blog! Back to silly me next time
PLEASE NOTE THAT IF YOU ARE DESCENDING INTO DEPRESSION YOURSELF GET HELP, YOU DON'T HAVE TO FIGHT IT ON YOUR OWN!!!!!!!!!!!!